[RwandaLibre] Rwanda: No mattress, no husband

Rwanda: No mattress, no husband



Published on : 29 December 2013 - 5:00am | By RNW Africa Desk (Photo:

Women for Women/Flickr)



More about: children marriage Rwanda wedlock women's rights



Things seem to be upside down in Nyabitekeri, a district of Nyamasheke

in south-western Rwanda. While Rwandan tradition dictates that the

suitor is the one who has to work hard for the hand of his future

wife, the roles in recent years have been reversed.



The best of 2013 - 7



This is the 7th article in a series that features the best-read and

most interesting articles 2013. It was originally published on 24

November.



Sometimes it's not all that easy to find a partner, especially when

there simply aren't enough men or women 'available'. In many

countries, people turn to dating sites on the web. In Rwanda however,

women have to 'buy themselves in'.



By Clive Muhenga, Nyabitekeri



In south-western Rwanda, would-be brides are finding themselves in a

very unusual situation. The reason: there are fewer male suitors than

there used to be. And it's the young woman and her family who are

paying the price. These days, the bride's parents are forced to sell

their livestock and sometimes even their land to provide a whole range

of chattels, including a double mattress, for their eligible daughter.

They can sometimes spend up to four times the amount of the dowry

given by their future son-in-law.



Felicita is coming back from the market with a makeshift wheelbarrow

loaded with two jerry cans of fuel, a rack of beer and lemonade, small

bags of cassava flour and beans, cans of cooking oil and a few

kilograms of sugar and rice.



After crossing the road with her precious cargo, the young woman

allows herself a moment's rest. "Keep going!" Petero, her young

neighbour, shouts sarcastically. "Don't make fun of me, old bachelor!

You know it's not for myself," Felicita replies in a similar tone.



For the past few months, Felicita has been working harder than usual.

She wisely started early with her wedding preparations. The primary

concern is not buying herself jewellery, but rather the gifts she will

take with her to her beloved.



"I have already purchased some kitchenware as well as a small

decorated wooden table, but I still need to buy the famous mattress,"

she explains.



Like everyone else

In this part of south-western Rwanda, an average double mattress costs

about 40,000 Rwandan francs (45 euros), which is the equivalent of a

government teacher's monthly wage. Felicita, though, hasn't got a job.



"For the past few months, I've been selling various food commodities

in the villages, as I don't want my parents to go bankrupt because of

my wedding," she explains. "Without all these goods, especially the

mattress, I could be rejected by my in-laws."



Zahara, another young single woman, objects to the whole practice.

"Killing yourself to get a husband? Is that love? I am ready to work

hard with him after the wedding, but not before," she insists.

Dancilla, who's married, couldn't disagree more: "Don't listen to this

one! She grew up in the city. Here you need to do the same as everyone

else."



After paying his future in-laws 150,000 francs (165 euros) as a dowry

and building a small house next his parents, Felicita's sweetheart,

Yusufu, is looking forward to the big day. "The gifts that Felicita

will take to her new home will be worth far more than the dowry paid

by her fiancé," explains Dancilla.



Children out of wedlock

"What's the point of getting married then?" Zahara asks with a hint of sarcasm.



"Unbelievable!" says an irritated old man who up to now has been

quietly looking on. "Marriage is a decree from God. Dying single is a

curse! We need to perpetuate the human species by getting married and

having children."



Zahara points out that "one can be single and still have children."

The furious old man raises his cane: "You don't have any principles.

Having children out of wedlock?! That's prostitution!" Zahara leaves

with her head lowered.



http://www.rnw.nl/africa/article/rwanda-no-mattress-no-husband-0





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SIBOMANA Jean Bosco

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